I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
