is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
