why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Vodka?
Forever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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