I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
