Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
