the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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