He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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