My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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