new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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