She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
