We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I currently don't understand fingers.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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