Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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