I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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