Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
