Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
