He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
