sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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