i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
