Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
