uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Shame is for Republicans.
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