I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
