Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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