I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
