She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
