She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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