so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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