I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
