I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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