So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
