would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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