i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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