she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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