I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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