She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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