On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
