Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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