My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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