It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
