So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
