i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
