she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
