you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
