So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
