Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.

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  (614): I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet. http://tfl.nu/xezw
  Replies (12) Good night (904) Bad night (3589)
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  (631): View more from New York

  we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"

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  (631): we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!" http://tfl.nu/dw66
  Replies (15) Good night (3496) Bad night (1043)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"

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  (401): so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now" http://tfl.nu/ut9w
  Replies (54) Good night (1189) Bad night (9220)
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  (845): View more from New York

  the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did

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  (845): the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did http://tfl.nu/11j3
  Replies (11) Good night (1222) Bad night (4456)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds

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  (973): And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds http://tfl.nu/07d1
  Replies (7) Good night (1005) Bad night (4491)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.

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  (732): I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered. http://tfl.nu/02c6
  Replies (18) Good night (4535) Bad night (1169)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young

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  (815): its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young http://tfl.nu/hsw4
  Replies (7) Good night (2525) Bad night (945)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.

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  (919): Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok. http://tfl.nu/xw7f
  Replies (7) Good night (2913) Bad night (707)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted

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  (785): totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted http://tfl.nu/rzdq
  Replies (2) Good night (3432) Bad night (814)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.

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  (803): I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches. http://tfl.nu/mo6q
  Replies (22) Good night (1791) Bad night (970)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.

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  (417): She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night. http://tfl.nu/v9wx
  Replies (0) Good night (1214) Bad night (535)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting

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  (416): The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting http://tfl.nu/ap7m
  Replies (19) Good night (719) Bad night (1136)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you

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  (484): Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you http://tfl.nu/s4l7
  Replies (4) Good night (862) Bad night (468)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.

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  (847): Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction. http://tfl.nu/r2mw
  Replies (2) Good night (600) Bad night (379)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  I NEED to hang out with you more

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  (630): oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra. (1-630): I NEED to hang out with you more http://tfl.nu/k66v
  Replies (3) Good night (694) Bad night (330)

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