Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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