I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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