just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.