Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize