Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
