my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
