Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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