I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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