As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
