they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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