I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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