I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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