Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
