considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
