NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
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i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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