I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
