I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
