we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
