I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
