If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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