Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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