is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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