I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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