Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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