i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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