is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
