Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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