these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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