you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I need moral support for this bender
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
