I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i out mim tonsoeep
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