Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
