I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
