You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
